I was at the beach with my niece, Cara, who has Down Syndrome. All of the children were surfing on small rafts. The waves were powerful, causing the children to lose their grip on the rafts over and over. Every time this happened to someone, nearby children would grab the runaway raft and give it to its owner. Fun!
I did notice some of the children occasionally stared at Cara, but that happens. What bothered me more was that no one would hand Cara her raft when she lost it. They would stop the raft from floating away but come all the way around her to hand it to me. Then they would go back to the group, often giggling nervously. I could see that Cara, who is extremely aware of others, was perplexed and hurt that they were avoiding her and laughing. I was embarrassed for her and annoyed that the children were turning her fun day at the beach into a cruel experience.
However, I knew these kids weren’t trying to be mean. They were just uncomfortable with an unfamiliar situation and didn’t know how to react.
I started to joke around with the kids to ease the tension, which helped. The next time someone brought Cara’s raft over, I said to her “Ok, here comes your raft, get it quick!” As the boy handed her the raft, I mentioned to him that she kept losing her raft because she didn’t know how to stay on like they did. I asked the crowd at large if they would show her how they stay on their rafts so well. All of them eagerly volunteered to show her. Soon they were having a great time showing off, and even helping her back on when she’d lose her grip. She greatly enjoyed the attention : )
I believe that involving the children in helping Cara turned this into a more equitable situation. The children went from avoiding contact with her and giggling about it to helping her - and that was a positive change for everyone.